Sisters

What is there to say about sisters? Thery can eight help make your life better and be supportive for you or they can maked your life a living heck and abuse you. I'm a christan so I'm not going to say the other word. My sisters did a little bit of both. There is a lot I can about my sisters. My mother gave birth to three girls but sometimes she wishes she had at least one son. Now I know you might say that doesn't sound to bad and in a way you might be right but for me does sounds bad. You see I am the youngest of the three us. There are only three ways I see this to have happen. First my mother could have given birth to 4 kids with the possible chance of her loosing her in the process due to her being at high risk for pregnancy. Second I could have be born a boy instead of a girl. And third I wasn't born at all and God had given her a boy. But there have been time that I feel like my mother never wanted us for she feel that she was cursed to only have girls. Yeah I know that is a low blow but it is not like I can control how my mother thinks. For now that is a enough about my mother this is about my sisters. I will say this again just in case you have forgotten it, I am the youngest of three girls to my mother.

NIcha being the oldest took on trates of being a bobby pants. I always hated it but I guess we need someone to be a mother figure for us. NIcha has alway supported me in her own way and I am very greatful to her for it but NIcha did something that can be conside hypocritical. How you may ask? Yes growing Nicha would often tell to us to follow your dreams and become who ever want to be. The tippical support from perant(s) as a young child. But didn't you say Nicha was your eldest sister? Yes. Yes I did but she more of a mother for us at that time then our actual mother. Then as we all became teens we got a little distance from each other so we were not as close as we onces was. Yes as usual and the tippical thing to do of siblings I know but at least we were still close in some way. We were not completely distance, we just didn't do everything together like we use to. In our teen years Nicha thought it would be a good idea to take me with her to one of her friends house although I did ask to go with her but she could have said no and left but she didn't instead she ask mom if she could take me with her. Nicha's friends had edible brownies which I didn't know but Nicha did apparently. They gave me a brounie and I eat it. I was find or a least I hought I was but I had a reaction from it. It was because of the chocolate brownies no it was because of what was in the brownie and I give a moment to think about it if in case you don't know what edibles are. When we got home Nicha tried to hide the fact they gave me an edible brownie but my mother notice something was off. My mother questioned Nicha and that is when she told the truth. Mon was so mad she walked outside to scream I guess but it sounded more she was throwing thing around to be honest with you.

Jaquanna or Jay for short. Jay being the middle child now she and I use argue so much as kids because we had to show a bedroom. We were not a rich family but we were comfortable with out life style. There was one thing that irritated the living crap out of me even as a child and it still irritates the crap out of me to this day. It was that Jay would never listen or consider other's feel that would come as a consequences of her actions. Why? Now there is a lot more I can say about Jay there is to say about NIcha. Don't get me wrong I love my family and will always love them but being the youngest of the three ment hand me downs. I don't mind hand me downs really hand me down it not the problem. It is that it is very rare that I would get something brand new to wear or use for the first time. Something fresh out of the store that was mine and mine from the start. I had to share everything with my sister and it mad me so mad. Why can't some just be mine and mine alone? I might sound ungreatful right but imagine getting something brandnew for yourself on rere occasion like for chirstmas or your birthday. Yes I said it those special times you would hand out gifts were problem the only time I would get something brandnew stuff and even then I would still have to share everthing with my sisters. Jay was the one I had share everything with since Nicha was the oldest of us which again irritated me heck. Being the youngest means being last to get to the same thing your sibling do. I am a patient person but when you have siblings who rub things in your face hurts a lot. Jay would get into so many relationship with so many guys. I felt bad for the boy she would date. I sometime would often time use guys to get what she want from them. I mean with the time she give herself between each relationship is short and I honestly think that she just like idea of being in a relationship then to hold a genuine relationship.

Example some of her more recent relationships. 1 lastes about 7 months to only give herself a month for a rest from a relationship to only last 4 months with the next relationship and rest 2 months before starting a new relationship but this time to cheat on him with other guy who also cheated on his girls to be with my sister. I can honestly tell I lost tract of how many relationship she has been in. I mean in my last post I mention the fact that she stole my boyfriend when I was 14 years old but what I didn't mention was this My sister is my biggest fear. I did not explain in my post is the fact that my sister get mad at me for being it and any time I do she ends up responding "He wasn't a good man for you." Yeah really meture of her to do and I hated that she would do something like that to me her own sister.

Now it is time for a time skip for more recents events where we are all adult. I by saying that this is a time where I am 18 years old, Jay would be 20 years old, and Nicha was be 22 years old. Now Jay is 2 years older then me while Nicha is 2 year older then Jay. Now I becaome an auntie in 2016 when I sister Nicha got pregnate with my nephew. for the most part he was easy to watch until he started speak, playing video games and watching anime the clean stuff because he is very influenced by the things arouns him. He became a turd at the age of 4. Yes that is a young age but he would never listen, he would often threaten to hit someone if he didn't get what he wanted and other things again right now this is about my sisters. Nicha got pregnate again 6 years later with identical twins boys. Just know that twins runs in my family line. To make matters worse 2 year later after the twins were born my sister Jay gets pregnate with yes you guess another boy. And because my bedroom is the master bedroom I had no choice but to give it up to her and her son. That was my live in studio.

Side note: for those who didn't understand the time of my last post here is a simple version of it. The fitst ex lasted 2 months in a whole then 10 years later I finally say yes to a best friend I've known for 12 years that only last 6 month in a whole.

Was it worth it?

    There is nothing more that I can be greatful for then for every day I walk on this earth. But is it worth it? I have asked myself this question many time. Was this fair? No it wasn't fair but it happen anyways. What did I do wrong to deserve this broke heart? What did I do? The answer is simple nothing. This just gose to show how cruel the world is. A broken bond that created and growing for years only to be shattered in mere seconds. Why? Why indeed?

    I was 14 years old when I started dating for the first time. Yeah I know that is yound but there were other started dating at a younger age then me. Anyways brian was the son of one my mother's ex friend and we known each for a few years. So the thing is how we got together because if I am being honest I was interested in dating at the time. Brian and I were close as you may tell from chating, horsing around, to playing video games. Again how we got together was a persuasion from my mother and his father because like I said I was interest in dating at the time. You are probably wondering how did they persuaded you two to date each other well here is your answer they told us to kiss. Yep the mind set of a mother and a father persuasion to get the kids to date each other. We were getting along together or at least I thought we since we were so open with each other after we known each other for a while but I was wrong. We started dating after our parents persuaded us to kiss no more then 2 months or less in our relationship I walk in to my mother's bedroom on him and my sister kissing each other. To imagine being 14 years old and in a relationship that was a result of a parents persuasion for it to not only last for 2 months or less but end because of your older sibling. Imagine walking into you parent bedroom and your partner is laying under neath your sibling as your sibling straddles your partner kissing them so deeply on your parents bed. They both other new that was the first time I dated anyone. Now let's time skip to a new relationship.

    Then 10 years later to a recent relationship with someone who I known since middle school. Yes someone who I have build a deeper and longer connection with then the first. A friendship that lasted even after high school yes a long lasting connection. We were the best of friends and so close. Even though we were physical in each other's present after graduation from high school we kept in contact. We talk for hours about our like, dislikes and weird topics that might had popped into our heads at the time. We would laugh and joke around. Then I finaly gave in and said yes to him. We were talking about building a gaming room for us. We were talking about marriage since we were so close and open with each other. Now let me explain to youwhen I found out that he changed his number, moved states away, he was dating someone else I was livit. Why you may ask is I told him I was scared to date anyone because of what happen in my previous relationship with my sister which is why it took 10 years for me to open up again to love. He wasn't going to ever break up with me.

    I the thought I found something with Daunte because the long friendship. A 12 years friendship but I should have been more guarded with my heart regardless of the deep connection we made. Instead I was led on by sweet words and empty promise, talking about marriage promise to treat me like queen no wanting to worship me like a goddess only to disappear without a word. A 12 years friendship to a 6 month relationship then disappeared.

Start of a healing journey

    I have fallen prey to betrayal 2 and now my heart is a pile of dust. What was once happy, free, and open mindminded now shatted and broken. Haunted for years asking what did I do to deserver this broken heart? What did I do? The answer was simple nothing. I did nothing wrong nor action in any way that would earn to have my heart to break and shatter to piece. Trust was broke that day and honest I don't know if I can trust again. How can I after 2 betrayals? 22 days ago I start a journey of healing. I am learn who I am as a person. I started a journey to redecover who I am as a person. I am learning to love myself as I am and I am learning to pick myself back up stronger and wiser then before. I am learn that no one have the right to judge, or bewildered me. I learn that I am never alone with the strong faith in God.

Endless Love Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

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As time went on, more and more love notes were sent to me in the same manner as the one before. I don’t know what to do any more. This time the note read a famous quote from Zelda Fitzgerald and repeated something from before.

I’ve tried so many times to think of a new way to say it, and it’s still I love you. I've been watching you for quite some time now. Your eyes are luminous when the moonlight hits them. You smell sweeter than the rose of love. Your voice is like a melody. You can not be replaced.

The Black Rose

After counting the notes there were 50 of them. The black rose must take his time writing these. The handwriting is so nice and neat. Again I don’t consider myself to be anyone special or perity. I was an ordinary high school girl who was about to graduate. What did the black rose see in me? I finally took a break from writing my story to look out the window. It was later than I had imagined. I packed up my writing, closed the window and turned off the light headed off to bed. 

I woke up the next day not wanting to get out of bed for school. But school is important to me, so I get up and do my usual routine. As a favor to my mother I drive my little brother to school. I still ask myself what the black rose sees in me. Yet again I drive off to school and show Tigerclaw the love notes. I understand that he has hobbies but I asked him if I can keep the notes. There is something about them that makes me think of Shadow-night. I had been so distracted by all the love notes from the black rose I messed up in class today. That is not like me, to my surprise all of the black roses I have are still alive and beautiful. 

 “Sapphire. Hey Sapphire, are you ok?” Tigerclaw asked.

“Oh yeah I am fine.” I explained.

I didn’t want to tell him what was on my mind. There was too much going on and it was hard to focus. I haven’t been writing like I usually do. After I get done doing my homework I would start writing my story. Now I just stare out the window at the stars.

“ I just have a lot on my mind. I don't know what to do about the black rose.” I explained again.

“Oh I get it. Because you don’t know the black rose it is hard to love him. Am I right.” Tigerclaw said.

“Yeah. I mean how can you love someone you don’t know. I got 50 love notes from him and yet he has not shown himself to me.” I cried.

And yet I am waiting to know who the black rose is. Legend says the black rose is a soul looking for love. A love that is endless. The black rose is an old soul that lived long before I was born. 

“All I can tell you is that if this is true then you gotta let time take its course. Only time will tell, because time is like a river. Do you hear me Sapphire?” Tigerclaw cried.

Tigerclaw was right. I need to stop worrying. If I was meant to know who the black rose is then I would know. But little did I know, the black rose is a curse placed on Shadow-night and his bloodline. At that moment I didn't know that Shadow-night was watching Tigerclaw and me. Shadow-night standing a wall for a minute uncentent of what to do. He was the brightest when it comes to the madder of the heart. He was afraid that Sapphire-shade would accept him. 

After a few minutes Shadow-night walks away. Course he knew that Tigerclaw and Sapphire-shade are just close friends. Tigerclaw was someone who made Sapphire feel better about herself. Sapphire was someone who was never accepted by anyone but her own mother and brother. Sapphire’s father hurt and tormented his family. Often raping his own daughter. He would beat his wife to the point where the mother had enough. Sapphire would protect her little brother by hiding him, away from the father. In a place the father would not think to find her little brother. Then finally Sapphire’s mother poisoned her father. No one knows this except Sapphire and the mother. Lumaria Sapphire’s mother made a promise not to tell their secret. Lumaria and Sapphire will stand tall and strong for Igniar does not know what happened that day. Lumaria did what she had to so to protect her family.

Igniar had just barely been born with an abusive father so he would not remember it. Igniar is a happy and carefree child. He is at the top of his class though he is in elementary school. Igniar made more friends than Sapphire ever did since that day. It is like She builded a wall around herself to protect family and herself. Lumaria does the same. They already went through so much as it is. Lumaria will not open or speak of that day because she had one other choice but to kill her husband. Blaze, Lumaria’s husband, was controlling and abusive; he threatened his family not to leave. Not wanting any problems they obeyed him for years. When Igniar was Lumaria had enough and being the mother of 2 kids, she had to take action. So Lumaria poisoned Blaze.

“Hey Tigerclaw? Thanks for being my friend.” I said.

“ What brought this up? But I am happy that I got to know you. You’re really fun to be around.” He stated.

“It means a lot to me to have someone help me get out of the darkness.” I replied.

“Sapph I will always be your. When I saw you, you looked like you could use a friend. I wanted to help. My number goal is to help people.” Tigerclaw explained.

It was late in the evening and I was writing as always. This is how I escape all of my bad memories. Writing is what calms me down to think things through. As always the window was wide open and a rose the color of night came for me. I picked up the rose, put it with the rest and read the note.

Sapphire-shade I’ve been keeping secrets from you and I know you want to know who I am. I must apologize to you for not telling you soon. But before I tell you who I am I must ask you to keep it a secret from Tigerclaw.

Tigerclaw it was then I realized that my suspicions were correct. Shadow-night was the black rose. But I still want him to tell me himself. I continue to read the note. 

I have fallen for you and been in love for a while now. If you wish to know the truth please meet me at the edge of the celestial beach. I need to talk to you. 

The Black Rose

Unexpectedly  the time for the truth has come and to my surprise I obey the command. I stopped writing, grabbed my bag and walked out the house. The location of the beach was behind the forest of Canus Lumen, the guardian of the forest. It was a 3 minute walk from where I lived. Still daylight out the forest seems to be shrouded in shadows. The trees are tall and bunched up to close together they block out the light. My surroundings are so beautiful I can just get lost in the forest of Canus Lumen. If only I did not have to meet the black rose, I could stay in the forest and write to my heart's content. Finally emerge from the forest. I can see Shadow-night standing by the beach staring off into the distances. His long dark hair flowing with wind, with sun kissed skin that looks so soft to the touch. 

Now was not the time to stare, he wanted to talk to me. Although I have an idea that Shadow-night was the black rose and now I can hear it from him. Anyone would think that Shadow-night was handsome. He Tall with sun kissed skin and long dark hair. A voice so deep it sounds like a melody. Shadow-night was silent and so closed off from everyone else. He only speaks when spoken too. It surprised me when he said that he wanted to get to know me and said yes to being my friend. I was stuck between Shadow-night and his counterpart the black rose. Shadow-night finally noticed me and welcomed me by his side. A moment of silence before he was the first to break it.

“I was so afraid to ask you this. I have never been good at communication before.” Shadow-night stated. 

“It's ok I am the same way aside from speaking to Tigerclaw.” I cry.

“I am going to tell you something but can you keep a secret from Tigerclaw.” He asked.

“Course I will.” I exclaimed.

“I am the black rose. It’s a curse placed on my family. We now saw it as a blessing then a curse, a way to find true love. A bond that can never be broken.” Shadow-night explained.

“Why was your family cursed in the first place?” I asked.

My curiosity got the better of me. I think I ended up asking something I was not supposed to ask. For a moment Shadow-night did not answer but then spoke. Not sure what he would say next I kept quiet and listened to what he had to tell me.

“Long ago my ancestors never believed in love and so all marriages were arranged marriages. They still got married to keep their bloodline alive.” He explained.

I had no idea how all of this worked but he sounds so serious. Not wanting to interrupt him, I continued to listen. Taking in every word he spoke, every sentence Shadow-night resides. His family had a long history. When did they start seeing it as a blessing?

“Because my ancestors saw only to keep their bloodline alive, they would force others to marry them. The Gods were not happy about their actions and as punishment my ancestors could not get married unless for the means of love.” He said.

As he continued to explain his story one thing still begged me. So his ancestors didn’t believe in love, they would force marriage on others, and they were punished by the Gods for their actions. But where does the black rose come into play. So many questions started to rear their head into my mind.

“If my ancestors tried to force others into marriage the Gods will intervene. The Gods then told my ancestors that they will take on the name of the black rose. They must find love in secret to create and grow a bond that can not be broken. Using a rose the color of night they loved one how they felt.” Shadow-night continues his story.

Ok now I am starting to see the full picture. His ancestors got punished by the Gods because of an emotion they didn’t believe in. Forcing others to marry them just to keep their bloodline alive. The Gods would intervene if they tried to force someone to marry them. Force his ancestors to take on the name of the black rose only using a rose the color of night to convey their feelings. Wow that is some history, but when did they start seeing it as a blessing? Is it just the males in his family? It was then I asked my questions.

“So when did your family start seeing this curse as a blessing? Is it just the males in your family?” I asked. 

“Well I am not sure what changed. But when you think about it, finding true love and creating a bond that can not be broken. It would make life that much more enjoyable.” He exclaimed.

Well when you put it that way not marrying unless you know your love. A union between two people that can not be broken. An Endless love, a bond, why else would you want to get married. Well I never thought of getting married. Marriage never crossed my mind.

“Sapphire, will you be my girlfriend? I never saw anyone as beautiful as you. I never got close to anyone because of the curse. Who would accept me unless I truly have feelings for them.” He said.

More surprises from Shadow-night. He was always silent, never interacting with anyone. What would everyone think if we were to start dating? People would stare at me even more and I never liked that. I felt like everyone was judging me and hating me for ever existing in the first place. I had closed myself off from the rest of the world after my mother poisoned my father to protect us. I was too afraid of not being accepted by someone, I guess everyone has their own secrets. After thinking for a moment I finally opened my mouth and answered his question.

“Yes. I would love that. I was afraid no one would love me.” I said.

“We don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want to.” He said.

“It’s fine everyone knows. It wouldn’t matter as long as we grow on this bond we have.” I said.

“I wouldn’t have put it any other way.” Shadow-night stated.

And from that day forward we create a bond in hopes to strengthen it. We told stories and traded secrets. But I never told him about my father. That was a memory I was not ready to relive. I will someday tell him but not now, I want to protect my family the way my mother did for my brother and I with our father. It's been 1 week since Shadow-night, I mean the Black Rose asked me to date him. When he asked me my whole face turned cherry red, and I said yes. We both stayed by the side of the school waiting for the bell to ring, so we can go back to class. The bell rang and we walked into class. We were holding hands. That was the best day ever.

Later that night I was at home in my room. I was continuing writing my story, with my window wide open of course. I don’t know why I like the window to be open when I am writing. I had done it for as long as I can remember. Shadow-night I mean the Black Rose through a pink to symbolize his love, also through a rose the color of night with a note attached to it. I picked up the roses, put them in a vase and began to read the note.

I am so in love with you. You sit in class writing your notes understanding the lesson. Your eyes are so luminess. Hair silky soft. Lip like the inside of a rose. You are all mine now. I will be waiting for you in the Forest. I want to go on a date with you.

                                                    The Black Rose

I was so excited about this date. I got ready and headed out. It was pretty nice to go for a moonlight walk. I didn't know where to go but I found the Black rose anyway. It was quite romantic when I got to his location. The Black Rose had a table for two set up. It was a candle lit date. There was a Rose bouquet in the middle of the table and Candles hanging from tree branches. My face flesh then turned cherry red. I couldn't believe the effort he put into making this all happen. It was so gorgeous. I look at my whole surroundings then look at the Black Rose. I was left in shock when he got down on his knee. (Now I know what you are all thinking and no he didn't propose to me. Continue reading and find out what happens. XD) The Black Rose kissed my hand then carried me to a seat. From the shadows 2 waitresses came with plates of 5 star meals, setting them on the table. Then left back into the shadow hiding themselves from our site. A few seconds passed and music began to play.

 "Oh my god! You didn't have to do all this." I cried.

 "For you it was worth it. Your eyes glisten in the moonlight and lips like the inside of a rose." The Black Rose exclaimed with words so sweet.

 My face burns with embarrassment. I turned my head to stair at the tree. The Black Rose reach out his hand and grabbed my face. He turned my head leaned in and kissed me. I didn't know if I should be scared or happy for my first kiss. As I was thinking of how I should feel, the Black Rose stuck his tongue inside my mouth. I didn't realize it but tears were streaming down my face. I was emotionally embarrassed because I never had a kiss from someone I loved. The Black Rose had left me in shock to where I couldn't speak. He smiles and laughs at me.

 "So is this your first kiss? Did I scare you" The Black Rose exclaimed.

 "No, I was just surprised. And yeah this is my first kiss." I cried.

 "Good because there's a lot more in-stored for you my love." The Black Rose exclaimed with a smile.

When he said that my face fleshed. He blew the candles out and carried me off.

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